Thanksgiving you have come and gone and I feel I didn't get too glutenous. The weather has been awesome and I should go for a jog... make the voices that say " clean your house, plan dinner, catch up on work" etc shut up for 30min and just do it. STOP MAKING EXCUSES. You know vigorously raking the leaves isn't enough for your body. Your body likes to burn, like fires of Hell burn to shed its protective fat layer..... ok, ok, ok.... Let me get that last load of laundry in and then I'll hit the leafy trails.

@#$* wagon why can you just hold still so I can get on and stay on. Why are you always pushing the weak and chubby off the back?
SO ... you know its bad when you have to shift your stomach fat to get a good back stretch in. Or you have to powder under your fat skirt so you won't sweat under there all day.... ugh super nasty.
And the sick this is I know I can change this. I have done it before and know I can do it again. But my inner fatty is so comfortable doing everything else but taking care of herself.
I'm freaking out about the holidays being here. If I got this fat during the normal parts of the year what are all of the rich decadent desserts going to do to my 237 lb body. (ps lost 8lbs, but if you know a true Clark you know that is the average turd log)
GET YOURSELF TOGETHER WOMAN....time to bust out the tapes? again.

Getting back on the wagon included. Participating in the wood cutting extravaganza yesterday. Basically we get a ton of people in the ward and family to come over cut down trees haul logs and split them. We have like 5cords collected from yesterday. I manned the log splitting machine while Natey-pie napped.
How is this exercise you ask? .... have you ever actually done it yourself? log lifting is tough, continuous running wagons full of split logs tireing, at the end of they day all you want to do is hit the sack and sleep... Pics later

Fell off the wagon...The decline started with my procedure, then "taking time to recoup" meant giving myself the ok to loaf around. I felt better started exercising again, then I caught the first cold of the season. Feeling crappy isn't a huge motivator, but manageable, then it snowed before Halloween. Trudging through the snow with a cold doesn't = fun......

I could keep listing all of the excuses I make myself feel better with all day long, but the truth underneath is that this battle is hard to fight on your own. Ipod only provides so much companionship...an exercise buddy would be so much more fun. Maybe I'll get a dog.

Bob Harper suggested starting this life transformation with walking everyday for 4 weeks. Its free, warms up your muscles, and clears you mind. I made it a week, time to try again.

So I healed up from the procedure, and was watching The Biggest Loser, and was all inspired by Bob Harper and thought "man if he were my trainer I could do this in a snap". So I went to the library and got his motivational CD / inner compass program, and his beginners workout DVD. The next day, I take invigorating hike to warm up the muscles, then I pop in the DVD thinking "yeah, this will be great to start with a beginners workout". IT WAS PURE INSANITY. I was soaked with sweat and for 3 day afterward felt like I was 85 and has sprained hamstrings, and that's after doing everything right. Stretching, staying within my range of motion, and cooling down, etc.... it kinda discouraged me, and truth, I haven't worked out since. Of course in my justifications I say " oh its ok you need time to recuperate after that crazy workout" but what I really need is to get off my butt and get moving again.......This journey is such an emoitonal roller coaser and often I find the ride is giving me whiplash.

Figured some stuff out... haven't exercised for over a week now because of medical issues, and on thursday I had my uterus roto-rootered to remove some endometrial polyps. Apparently they are a pretty common occurance, but they were causing some really heavy bleeding. Having the procedue wasn't as bad as my imagination was making it seem. All in all, feeling pretty well but the doc said to take it easy for a few days. My version of easy was making a full size spiders web out of yarn for Halloween. Raking the grandparents portch off for them, and making a milk jug skeleton. My version of taking it easy meant getting crafty and forgetting all the stress inducing housework... However I think all that energy was because of the drugs. I woke up last night with some serious crampage and backache...guess I will really have to take it easy and do as the doc says.

Sometimes you just need to let out an angry guttural scream! The kind that rocks your soul and makes you feel like doing something stupid, like punch a tree.

Leach out this poison of self hatred
Help me to not want to make them suffer like I am
How can something so insignificant grate me so deep
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRGHHHHHHHH
AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRG
AHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
and then the guilt and self-loathing cycle starts again.

Lift your head up girl, get on your knees, start again, stretch your limits a little farther.